margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
