I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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