Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
