All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
