YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
