At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
