can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need water and some morals
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
