His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
