I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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