Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
