First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
