great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's blow job season.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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