Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
