My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
