woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
