I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
