Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
