god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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