Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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