yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
