Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
