Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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