Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina is very pro this idea
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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