No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
