i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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