My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
