I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
