Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
