i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
