cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
