can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
