So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
