We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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