shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
