I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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