I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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