I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
