It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
