Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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