is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
