Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
