Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
