I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
