do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
