my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
