My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
