Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
