You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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