me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
