why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
