So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
