You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found puke in my bra..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
