I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
