remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
