You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
